I'm Sorry

I find it a disturbing trend happening where people are saying they are sorry to try to make amends for heinous acts and sway public opinion.

First example is Michael Vick’s apology note left at the podium of his press conference, stating over and over to apologize and say “I’m Sorry”. No one bothered to ask Vick what he was sorry for. I want to know Sorry for what? Sorry for the dogs he killed? Sorry for the embarrassment he has heaped on his teammates and family? Sorry for being a sad excuse for a human being?

Second example is the young man arrested in the shooting of two Delaware State University students and he says, “I’m sorry” to the reporters. One reporter asks the young man for what is he sorry for and the young man mumbles something about one of the victims being in the hospital. Being in the hospital! Not that he put the victim in the hospital. Not that he shot the victim, but that the victim is in the hospital. What kind of crap is that! Sorry does not cover the trauma, the heartache, the hurt nor the angst caused. Sorry does not cover the hospital bills, or the future psychiatric bills in dealing with the fact that this young man felt justified in dealing with his disassociated behavior by shooting people. After all in computer games and video games all you have to do is hit the reset and they all get up again, good as new. No blood, no trauma, no hard feelings.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the work ‘SORRY’ as the following: feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence. I think that the word sorry is over used and not used in the correct context. Very rarely is the word used with a penitent heart and a desire to change the wrong that has been wrought.

If a person is truly sorry, they will find a way to fix what they have broken. Owning up to their actions and accepting the consequences. Sorry does not erase terrible acts of violence, of hatred, or jealousy. Saying you are sorry doesn’t even start to make anything better.

What makes things better is not acting in an egregious manner in the first place. Not acting violently, resolving your disagreements peacefully and thoughtfully. Seeking to replace feelings of hatred with those of love, because we are all God’s children therefore we are all equal in the eyes of the One God. Understanding that loving truly leaves no room for jealousy, jealousy is the sign of a closed heart that is withering and rotting from inside.

If you are going to say you are sorry, you had better mean it. There is nothing worse than saying something you don’t mean. Saying you’re sorry to sway public opinion is prostitution of the worse degree.

Running Away

I am annoyed. Scratch that. I am overwhelmed, annoyed and generally irritated and I want to run away and leave all my responsibilities, with the exception of my dog, behind and not look back. I want to light a match and flick it over my shoulder and let it catch in the kindling of my life and let it burn so that I might start anew.

Walking away and not looking back is such the polar opposite of my core personality that it has such appeal. But the bitter reality is that I am too much of a responsible person to every do such a thing. So I face my responsibilities and I work to resolve any issues that I have. I work to improve my situation, my self and any talents that I have, knowing that self-fulfillment will be the end result. A quick fix is a sweet and tempting fantasy, but the filling nutritious reality of hard work and perseverance are enduring and eternal.

I can’t leave my family or my friends. My life would be empty without their love and support. Really, if I was to be completely honest, I would take them all with me, then they’d take all their loved ones with them and in the end the whole world would be right back in my space again.

So, while I might be annoyed and overwhelmed at the moment with life and the world, it’s my life and my world and it is what I choose to make of it that makes it worth living in.

Remembering the year 2001

Today is the sixth anniversary of September 11th. For Americans, this date is associated with so many emotions. For those whose birthdays fall on this day, for those who have other celebratory occasions a shadow mars marking of their rites of passage a pall now falls over a day that should be a day of celebration. But for every one who lost a person, whether it was a father, mother, brother, sister, daughter, son, lover, spouse, or friend, and their lives were irrevocably scarred, the way that a soldier is when wounded, a hole torn in their psyche, always there. For me it was one more thing to mark a terrible year. My father’s passing marked the beginning of the year; then six months to the day the terrorist attack of September 11th added heartbreak of the year. September 11, 2001 is a day that is now linked with infamy, like December 7, 1941, or April 19, 1995. The date cannot be said without people thinking about where they were or what they were doing.

But here is what I take away from the year 2001. The human heart and mind are resilient and amazing organs. Because, despite the devastation and personal loss suffered by so many that year. People are still filled with hope. People’s hearts still have holes where loved ones lost should be, but their hearts continue to function and their capacities to love and learn have not been diminished. Those lost are remembered through the great and small works that are being done in their memories to honor them.

To dwell on the events are not productive. To protect ourselves from events repeating themselves again is prudent. To remember is human. To live our lives is to show those who would harm us that they may not control us through fear. I will not live in fear, but I will do what I can to make this world a better place.

Tragedy will always happen, but how we respond to its aftermath will show us who is touched by grace. We have enough knee-jerk reaction in the world, it is time to see the world by the heart that has been broken and still beats for it’s brother. It is time to see our brothers and sisters through the eyes of divinity.

Mandalas

There are times when words cannot calm the complexity of the mind the way that shape and form can. Please enjoy my shape and form.